Ok, going to take a stab at a shortened version of this, I can share the progress I made on screenplay format for anyone who wants it, but I just had to post something:

Setting: Thornwood High School in Salem, OR

In Mr. Blackman’s homeroom class, Enid Leto, a ghost, Abrielle, a witch, and Omar Thurgood I, a teen haunted by the demonic spirit of his racist great great great grandfather, Russell Thurgood I, sit in the back row, waiting for class to begin. The bell rings and Mr. Blackman scrawls “The Gettysburg Address” on the blackboard.

Mr. Blackman asks Omar to recite the address, as everyone was instructed to memorize it over the weekend. Omar refuses with a simple “No,” throwing Mr. Blackman offguard. He asks if anyone else would like to recite, and Enid raises her hand, but is ignored.

Mr. Blackman stumbles through the speech himself, and Dom Giuseppe, an Adonis in battered leather, throws open the door. He seems uncomfortable in his own body, and he attempts to sneak back to his seat in the last row unnoticed.

“How nice of you to join us, Mr. Giuseppe,” says Mr. Blackman, “Perhaps you would like to recite President Lincoln’s address at Gettysburg.”

“Oh, I know that one. The White House, right?”

The class laughs and Mr. Giuseppe tries to regain control.

“Clever, but we’re talking about the speech he gave following the decisive battle. You were asked to memorize it this weekend, or did you have more pressing matters?”

“No, I’ve got it. Um… four score and seven rebounds… we started this place, and it was good? But we had slavery, which kind of sucked?”

Mr. Blackman clears his throat in disapproval.

“Um, Mr. Blackman, all due respect to President Lincoln, but don’t we have to vote for homecoming king and queen today?”

“I was hoping we could first address some actually important American history.”

Jacqueline ‘Jackie-O’ Smith raises her hand with a flourish.

“Lincoln being elected president was one of the most important things to happen in America, and I think that us exercising our right as a democracy is vitally important to us understanding American history.”

“By voting for a homecoming king and queen?”

“Well we’re too young to vote for president.”

“Very well, homecoming king and queen nominations were sent out from the main office this morning. Nominees included several members of this class. Mr. Giuseppe, somehow you were included. ”/characters/harold-ramis" class=“wiki-content-link”>Mr. Ramis, you’re our second nominee for homecoming king."

A slight figured, gawky teen in glasses shrinks in half in the front row. Harold is well on his way to valedictorian, but he suspects that his nomination reduces his chances of survival to graduation.

“That’s alright, everyone should really vote for Dom, it’s fine,” he half-whispers from behind his desk.

“For the ladies, Ms. Smith and ”/characters/janet-whitperson" class=“wiki-content-link”>Ms. Whitperson are our nominees."

As Jackie-O glares at Janet Smith, Abrielle fiddles with a small object at her desk, whispering softly into it.

We the audience see magical energy flow forth from the compact pill container Abrielle holds, winding their way toward Jackie-O. A misdirection occurs, and the energy instead flows into Dom.

Dom sees an ominous vision, him drenched in blood at the Homecoming Dance as he is crowned king. he stands up in his desk.

“I don’t want to be homecoming king!”

The class shifts and stares at him and he slinks back to his seat. His fear shifts to determination. If this be the work of witches, his hunt is back on.

Omar raises his hand slyly, and with venom in his voice, asks a question.

“Mr. Blackman, in the interest of class diversity, would you want to see Dom named homecoming king?”

Mr. Blackman shifts somewhat uncomfortably.

“Well, of course, any student should have a chance, as Lincoln would say, to be judged not by the color of his or her skin, but on content of character.”

“Do you mean Harold should win?”

“Stop asking stupid questions, Omar, no one wants Harold to win.”

Harold sinks even further into his seat.

As ballots are passed out, Omar scratches a quick note on a sheet of paper, crumples it, and throws it at Jackie-O. It bounces off her desk and lands on Harold’s. Harold unwraps the paper and reads.

“Dom likes you.”

He turns back toward Dom with a sheepish grin and Dom waves brightly, hopeful to make new friends.

As everyone turns in their ballots, the bell rings.

“It seems like homeroom gets shorter and shorter every day. Don’t forget to read pages 30-35 on the passage of the 13th amendment!” Mr. Blackman shouts as everyone rushes out the door, mostly missing his instructions.

“This school is going to be the death of me.”

Roll Opening Credits


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